knits & plants

aah, the simple life. almost.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

this is getting old

I still do not have a baby. I have a cold, I have a severe case of the boredoms, and I have three very anxious pets who want to know why the hell I haven't left the house since last Friday.

Liam is very active, and it makes it much harder to figure out whether these are early contractions or just jumpin-jive. I am SO ready to have this kid...why do I get no say in the timing?

It's a popular belief that Liam will be born tomorrow, on Valentine's Day and/or during the imminent super-big snowstorm headed our way. Either would be okay with me, but for a V-day baby, shouldn't we get a move on now?? sigh

I am, however, so so so much more comfortable here in my jammies than struggling at work. I'm glad I gave up the fight.

In other news, three of the most important women in my life are all falling apart in the most spectacular way. All three crises are being driven by horrible, cruel, unforgivably bad behavior on the part of their menfolk. Perhaps I'm not at the best point in my life to be giving emotional support right now, given my own biological need to take care of the little person, but I find myself occasionally unable to understand their plights. Where have all the strong women gone?? It not being my story, and this not being an adolescent ennui-type of blog, I'm not going to go into details. Let's just say, that as much as I love my husband, if he ever, EVER acted half so badly and so callously and so not caring, he would be out on his ass that very day.

I love these women so much, and it makes me just crazy that they are taking all this (totally undeserved) shit from men who have made a commitment to love and honor them. Where is the anger? Why would you mourn for someone whose intention it is to cause you pain and suffering? Why are they afraid to stand up for themselves? How could it possibly be better than being alone? What is wrong with being alone? And really, what is wrong with starting over? Scary? Yes. Overwhelming? Hell, yes. But life is about starting over, again and again and again. Nothing stays the same, and we live in a culture where there are newer, better, more compatible models evolving all the time.

I feel like a failure to them, because I fail to see what they're afraid to lose. Having someone love you is terribly important, but not as important as your self-respect and your sense of worth, neither of which should be tied to your lover's actions or opinions of you. If you're willing to put up with cruel and demeaning behavior just in order to keep someone from leaving you, then you've already lost something much, much more important. In the most loving way, I just wish I could shake them all into righteous indignation instead of this self-flagellating behavior that exposes their weaknesses to the people who hurt them so much in the first place.

Harsh, I know. It's a well-known character flaw of mine. I am Mrs. Lynde, and not sweet Diana. But I call it like I see it, and I'm harsh in direct proportion to how much I love these people. I can't heap more stuff on them, and my heart is too full when I'm talking to them, but I'll close here with something I hear often in my head when we are talking. Here goes, and thanks Mimi, for putting it so right:

Life's too short babe
Time is flying
I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine.

So don't settle. Keep your expectations high. They will be met, but only by the right person.


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